Can out mistakes be reversed?

I hate all of them. I hate my dad. I hate Titus. I hate his friends. None of them understand this. None of them get what I’m going through and none of them ever will. They don’t get that I’m deteriorating from the inside out, because they are too oblivious to see it happening to me. I hate them because they will never understand.  

I’m scared, terrified actually. Everyday it gets worse and the way my dad looks at me- like I’m already dead. Titus never visits anymore and I don’t know what to think about it, can he not bear to see me like this or does he actually hate me for it? I need him more than ever now, how could he just abandon me like that? Does he not know?

I don’t know why i’m writing when none of you can even read. Zero followers implies my thoughts are still limited to just my own eyes. I need someone and either Titus doesn’t get it or he doesn’t care. Titus is my boyfriends and he’s consumes just like you, but I think he also has something to teach us. He says things you don’t expect, he does things that even surprise me. I miss him. How am I supposed to do this? Live knowing i’m dying, die knowing oblivion is my fate, and have a fate when I hardly had the present time to lead up to it. 

I don’t know how to deal with any of this. Has it happened before? How long do I have? Would it be easy to fix if they would give me the time of day; would it even be possible? Everyday another part of me goes immobile, sometimes for minutes and sometimes for hours, will I stop regaining the feeling sometime soon? What am I supposed to do? I don’t know anything and i’m sure i’m not going to find out at any juncture in the near future. 

They won’t help me; I’m not a “liable customer”. They won’t save me because i’m not important to them, deemed useless to the grand scheme of things. I live in a world that has forgotten about the value of the individual life. This world is so involved in consumerism that have lost their own humanity.